Grief and Glory

One of our dear friends here in the Kasana community had a very trying week. His wife had several cists removed, was in the hospital for many days and several of their five children went down with malaria. On top of that he is a pastor and teacher. I was given the opportunity to preach in his church last Sunday morning. The week leading up to this was a trying one for both Rachel and me as well.
Last Monday, Feb. 1, marked the two year anniversary of my dad's death. A missionary couple was going out of town the weekend leading to the anniversary of my dad's death and asked us if we wanted to stay in their home. Beginning sometime in early January I dreamed of my father just about every night. I thought that I was finished processing and greiving but soon discovered that I am not. It is a hard thing to suffer loss and pain. Many things happen when one loses someone so close to them. You feel abandoned, fear, anger, confused, etc. For me I had buried some of these pains deep within so I wouldn't have to deal with them. But God in His grace and mercy has gently begun to heal these wounds.
That Monday afternoon was spectacular for me and Rachel. I felt a huge weight laying on my heart and I knew that I could no longer hold back the tears. I started telling her how I kept going over the events of my dad's death in my mind and finally went over word by word the events of that day. I broke open into tears and cried on her shoulder. It's probably been 2 years since I cried like that, evven then I don't think I let anyone see me crying. After a few minutes I felt much better and recalled what God testified to me that morning, 'Mike, you are not really fatherless. You are my adopted son. You can call and cry to me as Abba, Daddy.' I knew that in my head for many years. In fact I wrote an exegetical study on the Doctrine of Adoption but it was not till that morning that this reality hit me.
Rachel greatly ministered to me throughout the day. She made me a delicious dinner, chicken stir-fry, with honey and soy sauce and made brownies with chocolate chips and cashews for dessert! The best food I have had in months. She also wrote me a card and read several key Scriptures to me which was medicine to my soul. God so glorified Himself in the midst of my pain, I gained unsurpassing joy.